Sandbeach Lake


Another weekend, another camping trip, more abstaining from alcohol.

This past weekend was roughly 50% perfect and 50% disaster. I organized an overnight backpacking trip to Sandbeach Lake in RMNP. Back in March when I requested the permit I didn’t know that THREE close friends would be returning to Colorado the same week after their time abroad. The stars aligned, everything fell into place and we were together again. I was so happy at the trailhead that I started crying. The hike in was tough. It was made even tougher due to my back deciding to give out that morning after the drive to the trailhead. It was too late to back out, I just had to hike.

It’s hard, looking back on the weekend, to separate the physical pain from the emotional pain. My boyfriend and I were mad at each other almost the entire time. I would have been happier if he hadn’t been there. I would have been less stressed out and less anxious. I don’t want to go on a trip like that with him again.

I’m also getting tired of spending my weekends with alcohol around. This past weekend there was beer, a bag of wine and whisky. After the hike, instead of going straight home which is what I needed to do because I was in so much pain, the group wanted to get food and beers at Southern Sun. I went because I knew it would mean a lot to everyone and I did have an OK time.

Mike noticed I wasn’t drinking and asked why. I told him about my decision to stop and he seemed supportive. That made me feel good especially because at that point in the trip I was feeling pretty invisible.

I don’t know where this post is going. I’m at a crossroads, I’m in turmoil, I’m lacking direction.

I’m so grateful I’m sober.

141 days.


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