This is the longest I have gone without drinking in the past ten years. I don’t feel like a different person, I feel more like myself than I ever have before. I wake up in the morning and feel fine. It feels really good to just feel fine. Not miserable, not manic, not anxious, just fine.
I’m still struggling with the evenness of my new daily life. There have been fewer highs and fewer lows in the past three weeks than there usually would be. This will be a challenge moving forward. Accepting that it’s ok for life to be even, calm and peaceful. I can’t really remember a time in my life that everything was peaceful.
All I’ve ever wanted in life is to be happy. I thought I was making myself happy by going out to the bars night after night. I thought I was having fun and being social, acting wild. I thought I was living the life I needed to achieve happiness. I believe I was happy part of that time, certainly not the whole time. I have friendships that I know will survive my sobriety and I know there are some that won’t make it through. That’s ok.
I’ve bought fresh flowers for my kitchen table twice now. It’s amazing the little things you can buy when every spare dollar isn’t going towards alcohol. Looking at and smelling fresh flowers everyday makes me feel joyful.